How To Not Get A Girlfriend By Andee

Here are some ways that I can tell you that you most likely will not get a girlfriend. I haven’t talked to all women, so I cannot tell you for sure, but from my experience, these techniques are not successful.

  1. Catcall, whistle, hoot, holler, or honk at her.
  2. Tell a girl soon after you meet her that you like her skirt, then  rub her leg.
  3. Pretend like you know her on the bus to trick her into talking to you, then doing pull ups to impress her.
  4. Tell her God told you to date her.
  5. Approach her while she is working and recite poetry to her, causing other customers to have to wait much longer than they should.
  6. Tell her about how you didn’t like going down on your wife, but don’t worry, you still know how to please a lady.
  7. Tell her about a blues jam session that you are going to go to, and then say “who am I kidding, I could be your grandpa,” then wistfully stare out the window.
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