Here are some ways that I can tell you that you most likely will not get a girlfriend. I haven’t talked to all women, so I cannot tell you for sure, but from my experience, these techniques are not successful.
- Catcall, whistle, hoot, holler, or honk at her.
- Tell a girl soon after you meet her that you like her skirt, then rub her leg.
- Pretend like you know her on the bus to trick her into talking to you, then doing pull ups to impress her.
- Tell her God told you to date her.
- Approach her while she is working and recite poetry to her, causing other customers to have to wait much longer than they should.
- Tell her about how you didn’t like going down on your wife, but don’t worry, you still know how to please a lady.
- Tell her about a blues jam session that you are going to go to, and then say “who am I kidding, I could be your grandpa,” then wistfully stare out the window.