Mix-tape of the Inner Life

It’s been a little over 20 years doing this existence thing, and I’m starting to notice a pattern in my inner-life.  I repeat four stages, each time more intense, each time (hopefully) bringing me  closer to the person I hope to be. The inner life is difficult to describe, and music speaks to those experiences we can’t articulate, so what better way to express the depths of my heart than through a play list? A mini mix-tape from me to you.

So the cycle goes…

Stage One: Complacency

Track One: Gin and Juice by Snoop Dog, Covered by The Gourds. (Not safe for work. Or the faint of heart.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4hGSR5njZE

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You know, that stage where nothing really matters. My indifference involves less gin and juice than my personal hero and life mentor Snoop Lion, and (probably) a lot more anesthetizing myself with shopping on modcloth.com, binge eating, and 90’s sit-coms. Like Snoop, who has money on his mind, I am aware of the prevalence of economic injustice. Yet, I would rather cloud my mind with the cuteness of a Zoey Deschanel image search than confront the brokenness of my soul and the state of the world around me.

Stage Two: Unrest

Track Two: Jesus Jesus-Noah Gundersen (again, a touch of adult language.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_ztTzvqcZg

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Ahh, that holy inner turmoil. This stage is when the things wrong with the world, the church, and myself start to get under my skin. Unlike complacency, where I am aware of the state of affairs but don’t care, when I am in a state of unrest I care, but feel incapable of changing anything. Most things bother me, and I spend a lot more time complaining about bottled water, Tom’s Shoes, and  the way people treat Miley Cyrus than doing anything about it. Yet I start to live with a little conviction.

Stage Three: Epiphany

Track Three: Roll Away Your Stone- Mumford and Sons

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9S6xlO4IOMY

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This is when the universe smacks me in the face with some good ol’ fashion truth tellin’. I care, and I’m empowered.

Stage Four: Stillness

Track Four: I Gotta Find Peace Of Mind- Lauryn Hill

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=brWmS8As9Wk

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After some divine revelation, things settle down. Like an old married couple sitting on the porch, sharing tea, reminiscing about the days of their youth, God and I share in a confident security about our sentiments towards one another.

And so it goes, the stillness fades into complacency, and I repeat the cycle. But that is okay. I get a little stronger each time, and a little more interesting.

What about you?  What songs describe the cycle of your inner life? I gave you the mix-tape of my soul, now I want to hear yours.

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